


Go On Without Me

by josie_josette



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Green Arrow and the Canaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, F/F, I'm Sorry, Sad, Sad Ending, dinahsiren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25815022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josie_josette/pseuds/josie_josette
Summary: "She opened the bottom drawer where she kept all of her sleep shirts and pulled one of them on.It smelled like her. The faint scent of her vanilla perfume clung to the shirt so she clung to it, pulling the collar close to her nose. She took a deep breath and let the smell bring back all the memories she’d tried so hard to forget - the good ones, the bad ones, all of them. "Inspired by 'Quite Miss Home' by James Arthur
Relationships: Dinah Drake & Earth-2 Laurel Lance, Dinah Drake/Earth-2 Laurel Lance
Comments: 13
Kudos: 14





	Go On Without Me

As Laurel stepped into the apartment, she could hear the water running in the kitchen. She dropped her keys on the coffee table in the living room along with her bag and turned her head so she could see into the next room. 

_“Hey you,” Dinah smiled. She put the final dish on the rack and wiped her hands on the towel by the window. “How was work?”_

Laurel smiled, turning her back on the kitchen and heading upstairs. She dropped her coat on the chair in the corner of the room and kicked her shoes off by the closet door, not bothering to actually put them away. She knew it drove her crazy, which is partly why she did it. It was amusing to hear her complain. 

_“How many times have I told you to take your shoes off before you come in the room? They’re dirty, Laurel, and we have carpet in here. Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean a carpet? Very.”_

Laurel chuckled quietly and tossed her shirt on the floor. 

“Sorry,” she muttered as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She could feel the mattress dip on the other side as Dinah laid down with a deep and tired sigh. 

_“God, I am exhausted. Should we just order in?”_

Laurel nodded and dialed the number to the Chinese restaurant only a few blocks away. She ordered the food quickly, not having to think about it at this point, and hung up after offering a quiet ‘thanks’ to the man on the other end of the line. She let out a long sigh and laid back on the bed, running a hand through her hair. 

She laid there for a few moments, thinking about what else she needed to do around the house. She needed a distraction, something to do so she wasn’t just sitting here, alone with her thoughts. 

Deciding to start by cleaning up the mess she’d just made in the room, she got up from the bed and went over to Dinah’s side of the room. She opened the bottom drawer where she kept all of her sleep shirts and pulled one of them on. 

It smelled like her. The faint scent of her vanilla perfume clung to the shirt so she clung to it, pulling the collar close to her nose. She took a deep breath and let the smell bring back all the memories she’d tried so hard to forget - the good ones, the bad ones, all of them. 

There was a knock at the door, which pulled her out of her thoughts. She wiped at her cheeks when she felt the tears slide down her face and cleared her throat as she climbed down the stairs. 

She grabbed her purse out of her bag and opened the door. The man on the other side offered her a kind smile as he handed her her food. Before he could give her the total for the order, Laurel handed him thirty dollars. 

He reached into his pocket to pull out her change, but Laurel simply waved him off. 

“Keep the change.” 

The man looked confused. “But your order was only-” 

“Doesn’t matter,” she smiled. “Consider it a tip.” 

“This is a very generous tip,” he chuckled. “Thank you, miss.” 

_Missus_ , she wanted to say, but didn’t. 

“It’s no problem.” 

The man happily pocketed the money and dipped his hat at her before he turned around to leave. She closed the door once he was out of sight and headed into the dining room. She set the food on the small table and grabbed two plates and some silverware out of the cabinets and drawers, along with a beer from the fridge. 

_“You know, one of us is going to have to cook eventually,” Dinah laughed. “We can’t just live off of Chinese takeout.”_

_“Why not?” Laurel argued, shoveling some more noodles into her mouth. “It’s delicious.”_

Laurel smiled down at her almost empty plate. She looked over at the other end of the table where Dinah always sat and closed her eyes as she tried to imagine her sitting there. 

She could see her as clear as day; shoulders slightly slumped forward after a long day at the precinct, bright green eyes looking at her like she was the center of the universe while Laurel told her about her day, her plump lips turned up at the corners, trying to contain her smile after Laurel told her some dumb joke. It was almost as if she was still there. 

Laurel finished eating and cleared the table, washing the dishes while she stared out the window. She could see why Dinah loved to do the dishes now. The view from up here was pretty amazing. 

She watched quietly as cars drove by, as people walked down the street while they walked their pets, as a kid ran down the sidewalk dragging his kite along, beming up at the sky when he stopped and saw that it was still in the air. She smiled at him and put the last dish on the rack the way Dinah always did. She dried her hands on the towel and threw it on the island, not bothering to put it back where it went, something that always drove Dinah insane. 

She walked over to the living room and decided to watch tv. She threw herself down on the couch and browsed through the channels, not finding anything that caught her attention. Eventually she settled for some horror movie since there wasn’t much else on. 

She sat back and watched as a girl ran down the stairs while the killer was only a few steps behind her. She chuckled at the dumb decisions the characters made and looked over to her right where Dinah always sat, feeling her stomach clench when she found no one there. Her smile disappeared and she looked back at the screen with less interest in what was happening. She closed her eyes and listened for her laugh, a sound she knew she would never hear again. 

_“I just don’t get why you like these movies so much,” Dinah chuckled._

_“Oh, like your romantic comedies are any better,” Laurel argued, rolling her eyes at the thought of the last rom-com they watched together._

_“At least they’re more realistic.”_

_“Yeah right,” Laurel scoffed, “because soulmates are actually a thing.”_

_“You don’t believe in soulmates?” Dinah’s bright green eyes shone in the dim light coming from the tv as she waited for Laurel’s answer._

_Laurel didn’t know what to say, so she simply muttered, “Do you?”_

_Dinah thought for a second. “I don’t know,” she shrugged, “but I think that if they do exist, you’re definitely mine.”_

Laurel opened her eyes and stared at the spot on the couch where Dinah should be. And then suddenly the floodgates opened and she couldn’t close them again. Tears fell freely down her face and onto her shirt. She leaned forward, pressing her face into her hands and sobbed loudly, not caring if her neighbors heard. 

She couldn’t think straight, she couldn’t breathe, she felt like the walls were slowly closing in around her. She never knew she could love someone so much, never imagined that losing someone would hurt this much. She’d lost her dad, Quentin, her planet, and sure those all hurt like hell, but none of those could compare to the pure agony that she felt when she lost Dinah. 

That morning when Felicity came to her door and told her that Dinah had passed away was truly the worst moment of her life. That was the moment when she lost her world. No pain could ever compare to the one she felt when she saw them place her casket in the ground. No loss could ever hurt as much as it hurt to say goodbye to her one last time. Knowing that she would never see her smile again, that she would never hear her laugh again, that she would never hear her complain about her leaving her dirty clothes everywhere or about how she would move too much when she slept, it all killed her inside and no matter how hard she tried to hide it, to keep it together, everyone could see that she was falling apart. 

She wiped at her eyes and got off the couch. She reached into her purse and took out the key to her motorcycle, grabbed the keys to the apartment and left without a second thought. She drove for miles, keeping her attention focused solely on the road ahead. It was raining and it was hard to see, but she managed to get to her destination without any problems. 

She walked past a dozen headstones before she saw the one she was looking for; even though it was only her second time here, she found it with ease. When she read her name, she collapsed on the ground in front of it. She didn’t care that it was muddy, she didn’t care that her shoes would probably get ruined, she just didn’t care. She kneeled in front of Dinah’s headstone and sobbed until she was left gasping for air. 

“I’m so sorry D,” she whimpered, “I tried. I tried to go on, to live my life, to pretend that nothing had happened, but I couldn’t. I can’t do this without you.” Her voice cracked. “You were the one that kept me going, the one who believed in me when no one else did, the one who pushed me to be better. How am I supposed to just go on without you? I just - I can’t… I can’t do it, D.” 

She could almost feel Dinah’s hands wrap around her shoulders, could almost feel her lips brush against her ear as she whispered, “Yes you can, Laurel, and you know why? Because I’m still here with you. I’ll always be with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was in my feels and this just sort of happened. I'm sorry. Let me know what you think


End file.
